Use a thermometer to make sure your water is between 110-115 degrees (the perfect temp for the yeast – too hot and you’ll kill it!). Add the water, sugar and salt to a standing mixer bowl and stir. Sprinkle the yeast on top of the water mixture and let sit for 5 minutes.

Preheat oven to 450 degrees. Lay a piece parchment paper on a cookie sheet and coat with a light layer of cooking spray. Fill a wide pot or Dutch oven with 10 cups of water and boil.

While the water is boiling, roll out the dough on a lightly oiled surface into a longer baguette shape and divide into 16 parts (the middle 6 segments will be longer than the rest and can be cut in half again). Take a segment and roll it out into a rope about 8 – 10 inches long. Transfer the dough rope to the oiled parchment and shape into a comically large mustache. You’ll want to exaggerate the mustache shape by squishing it a bit into more of an “M” shape, and pinching off and curling up the ends. Continue until you have filled the sheet.

Add the baking soda to the boiling water. Place 3 to 4 pretzels into the boiling water for 30 seconds and then flip with a wide spatula. After another 30 seconds carefully remove the slippery dough from the pot to the same baking sheet to rest. Once the boiled dough has cooled you can pinch and reshape as needed.

Brush the dough with the egg wash and liberally sprinkle with grated parmesan cheese or kosher salt. Leave a few plain if you want to add cinnamon and sugar after baking. Place in a 450 degree oven until golden brown for 12-14 minutes. Let rest on the cookie sheet for a couple of minutes then move to a cooling rack.

For a sweeter version, mix equal parts cinnamon and sugar in a bowl. Brush both sides of the cooked pretzel with melted butter and dunk it in the cinnamon mixture being sure to evenly coat both sides.

Wear on your face for a few minutes, and take a selfie before enjoying with your mouth. Please, for the love of pretzel, post the pic in our comments section. Place the rest in an airtight container. Reheat in the microwave for 30 seconds before eating.